


Push and Pull

by PsychoYuffie



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Drama, F/M, Genderbending, Romance, Silly
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-05-04
Updated: 2014-12-22
Packaged: 2018-01-21 21:06:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 18,601
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1564052
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PsychoYuffie/pseuds/PsychoYuffie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Two years after the war finally ended, it's mostly happily ever after for most people in Team Avatar, but things aren't going well for Sokka and Suki. Sokka has been keeping a secret. A secret that has been gradually changing him into something else.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The End of Denial

It happened slowly, gradually, throughout the years. It was so slow that Sokka hadn't even noticed; by the time he had, the transformation was well underway. Two years after Sozin's Comet and the end of the war, Sokka noticed something strange about his body. While the rest of his friends in Water Tribe were finally growing big, strong bodies, his remained small and petite. In fact, he swore that he has gotten smaller than what he used to be. His voice used to be cracky with change, but it's now high and smooth—like a woman. That wasn't easy for him to admit. The other men got broad jaws, angular faces, his face grew gentle and round. He was teased once that Katara and him were beginning to look more like sisters than brother and sister. Once. Despite his stature, despite how delicate he may look, he's still the best of the young fighters in the Southern Water Tribe.

While the other guys went into sweat lodges shirtless, he had to come up with excuses to avoid them. At first, it was just random pains. He barely thought about it, but then he noticed the tenderness gave way to unexpected growth.

Bandages didn't help. There was only so much they could do, so he took to wearing baggy clothes. He frowned as he stood in his tent, looking down at himself. Touching his chest, his hand met his breast. Instead of a flat, strong pectoral muscle, he felt something round, soft, and fleshy. He shivered and swallowed hard. Biting his lower lip, he quickly through on a baggy tunic and a coat. This wasn't right. Something has gone horribly wrong. Ignoring it wasn't making it go away.

He slumped, clenching a fist at his side. "Dammit."

He wished that this wasn't happening. He wished that it would stop. But in the back of his mind, he knew that it wasn't even over. His body was changing. Even now. As he stood there, alone in that tent, he blocked out the sound of people walking by outside and the laughter of children. He closed his eyes and the ten stretched out to infinity. Nothing but solid ice beneath his feet. He could feel it. Inside.

"Sokka," a woman's voice called him back to reality. Sokka's frustrated brow ascended into relief as Suki walked into the tent. "You're taking your time getting ready this morning."

Sokka turned to look at the young woman. Suki had gotten taller and a bit tougher-looking in the last two years. Clear muscle tone could be seen on her arms. Despite living in the Southern Water Tribe, she still wore Earth Kingdom colors, but on a Water Tribe style tunic. He didn't like admitting it, but she was taller than him and looked stronger. Still, she was beautiful and he hated feeling jealous.

"I was just thinking," he said.

Suki gave a slight smile. "You've been doing that a lot lately."

"When haven't I done a lot of thinking?"

She gave a light burst of laughter. "I suppose." Her smile faded when she looked back to him, but saw him avoided her eyes. "Seriously, though… You haven't been yourself for a while. I haven't heard you crack a pun in at least three months."

"We've been through this," Sokka said.

Walking over to him, Suki looked down at him and took a second to analyze the difference in their heights. "You're a late bloomer, that's all. You'll get a growth spurt and be just as big as the other guys pretty soon."

"No, I won't."

"Sure you will! You just—"

Sokka took a step forward and glared up at her. "No, I won't." There was silence for a moment. "Something's wrong."

Suki gave him a smile. "I really do think…" She trailed off, catching the sting of Sokka's eye.

He sighed. "I know and I appreciate it, but it just isn't the case. Something is actually wrong." He hesitated. How could he not? He stood there with his hands on his tunic for a moment before he opened it and revealed his bandaged chest.

Suki stared. She didn't move or even react. Not at first, at least. After a moment, she took a step back and looked almost as if she was about to collapse from shock. Sokka began to rush forward, but she put up a hand.

"When did this happen?"

Sokka kept his eyes on her, making sure she was really alright. "Not all at once. It was…slow. A process. I didn't really think anything was wrong until…"

"Until you started growing breasts?"

He looked away. "Yeah."

"Nothing else tipped you off?"

His eyes snapped back to her. "Did you notice anything?"

"Well… When I think back, sure."

"Hindsight doesn't count. Anything seems obvious in hindsight." Sokka said, shaking his head. His eye lids suddenly felt heavy. "I don't know what I am. Whatever it is… It isn't a man."

Suki tried to regain her composure, she seemed to mostly succeed. "Are you completely a woman?"

Sokka cocked an eyebrow. "What do you mean?"

She sighed and shifted her weight from one foot and back again. "You know… A woman."

His eyes suddenly dawned with realization and then widened with horror. "Oh… Oh! No, no! I'm still a man where it counts!"

Relief seemed to wash over the woman. "Okay, well there's at least that."

Sokka looked down and rubbed the back of his neck. "Well, I'm not a woman yet, at least. If I'm being honest, I wouldn't be surprised if I woke up one day without it at this rate."

Suki stepped to Sokka and put her hands on his shoulders and looked down at him. "Have you told anyone else about this?"

Blushing a bit with embarrassment, he responded, "Are you kidding me? I have my pride as a man, you know."

"Yeah, pride as a man: as you stand there with breasts and a face that the men call beautiful behind your back."

Sokka, now flushed with anger, said, "There's no way any of the men said anything like that. They're men I know for a fact don't prefer the company of men."

Rubbing her forehead, Suki said, "That's just the point, right? You look like a woman. They're attracted to women. It has to be really confusing for them." Waving her hand, she continued, "That's not even the point. The point is that your pride is hollow when your reputation and life are at risk. You should have gone to Aang as soon as you realized something was wrong."

"He's busy. Busy being…the Avatar!"

Suki didn't look convinced. "You're best friends. Talk to him. Tell him the truth. If there's anyone who can figure this out, it's him."

There was another moment of silence before Sokka said, "You know, you're taking this pretty well."

Putting her hands on her hips, Suki said, "Only because I love and care about you. I'm more worried than angry right now, but I can assure you that I will be plenty angry later when Aang fixes this mess."

"We don't even know if he can fix it."

At that, Suki's flash of anger turned to fear and then sadness. She looked away and took a few steps toward the opening of the tent. "He better, Sokka. Honestly, he better. I love you, I really do, but I can't be with another woman."

Sokka watched her leave the tent. Left to himself, Sokka stood quietly for a moment before putting his hair up into his expected wolf tail. Suddenly, he felt self-conscious of the feel of the short hair on the sides of his head. He hesitated before dropping his hands back to his sides and only offered a brief thought and what that self-consciousness could mean before walking his way out into the brisk air.

* * *

Surprisingly, mainly to himself, Sokka took Suki's advice to heart and sent a letter to Aang with Hawky. The hawk had been eventually returned to him by Toph's parents. He expected that Momo wouldn't be happy to see Hawky again, but he hoped the two would get along until Aang sent his reply. In the meantime, Sokka busied himself with drilling the younger soldiers and attending strategy meetings with his father. As tight-lipped as he had been with his situation, he was becoming more aware of the people giving him odd looks and the whispers on the breaths of a few generals. Hakoda himself remained the same father he had always been around Sokka, except for a rare concerned glance.

After one meeting, he happened to catch Hakoda giving him a look. Sokka hit the ground with his palm, which caught his father's attention. "Can you stop being coy? Do you have something you want to ask me?" He remained seated on the ice, looking at his father's back.

Hakoda was just about leaving the tent, but the bang made him stop. He turned and smiled as he said, "Nothing in particular." He let his hand drop from the fur of the door, closing off the outside world. "Is there something you wanted to tell me?"

"I'm just…out of sorts," Sokka said, crossing his arms. "The war is all I've known. It's been going on my whole life. I'm not entirely sure how to live in this new, peaceful world." All of this was the truth, but he was avoiding the subject.

The chief walked over and put his hand on Sokka's shoulder with a look of pity. "It's a new concept that many people of every generation are currently struggling with—you're not alone." He gestures at the mats arranged in a circle in the tent. "Some of the generals still don't trust the Fire Nation. They're worried that Fire Lord Zuko will become his father's son."

Sokka shook his head and finally stood up. "No way Zuko would ever betray Aang." He put up his hand before his father could respond. "Honestly, I'm not entirely sure that I like the guy, but I trust him." The concerned look in his father's eyes returned, but only for a second, but Sokka still caught it. "What is it?"

Hakoda slumped a bit and sighed. "Are you still my son?"

Sokka's eyes widened with fear and he asked, "What… What do you mean?"

The chief turned on his heel and took a step away, rubbing the back of his head. "You're just so serious these days. You're reminding me more of your mother these days."

Blushing lightly, even though he didn't understand why, Sokka said, "I've just been going through some things. Maybe it's because Aang and Katara have been gone for a while."

Smiling over his shoulder, Hadoka said, "You always did rely a lot on Katara." He looked back to the opening of the tent and watched the fur pelt wave around in the wind. "But every man needs to grow up one day and learn to stand on his own. You'll have a wife soon, so you'll need to learn to support her."

Sokka gave a chuckle. "Suki can take care of herself."

At that, his father turned suddenly and crossed his arms. "None of that. Sure, she's tough. Got to give the girl credit, she's a hell of a fighter. At the end of the day, though, she's a woman and women appreciate being taken care of—get it?"

Sokka gave a forced smile. "I get it."

Hadoka put his arm around Sokka's neck and smiled down at him. "Also, don't let your spars with a few recruits and peers disillusion you. You're letting yourself get too small. Work out those thin arms, okay?"

There was a pang of frustration from Sokka's chest, but he smiled and nudged his father in the stomach. "Like you can talk. Getting a bit pudgy."

"Hey!" he said with a laugh. "I'm an important man now. Lots of sitting around talking, unfortunately." He cleared his throat and continued, "Besides, it's a part of getting older. You'll find out some day."

"Not for a long time, hopefully," Sokka said.

Walking his son out through the fur pelt, the chief said, "Well, it happens sooner than you think."

Just as the two are sharing a laugh, a soldier runs up to them and salutes Chief Hakoda. By the looks of him, he sprinted all the way across the village. Through a gasping breath, the soldier said, "Sir! The Avatar has just arrived with your daughter."

At this, the chief perked. "Oh, really? Unlike Avatar Aang to arrive unannounced."

He waved the soldier to proceed and he followed the man to the outskirts of the village, near the docks. Sokka followed him, lagging a bit behind. Suddenly, a feeling gnawed at his heart. It made him nervous. Almost like the day of the eclipse and the Siege on the Fire Nation Capital. It wasn't a feeling he was familiar with outside of the battlefield. Fear nipped at his heels as he caught sight of Appa. He should feel happy and a relief to see that Katara was well.

Katara was there, standing beside Aang and Appa. She had grown a bit taller and her face had aged into womanhood, but her stance reflected the same confident personality that Sokka had always known. Aang was much taller than two years ago. He gained a lanky, agile physique to compliment his light way of moving, but there was no mistaking that dumb smirk on his face.

Hakoda got there first and shook Aang's hand and gave Katara a giant bear hug, lifting her off her feet. He laughed and said, "My, you look more like your mother than ever."

Katara smiled and giggled. "Thank you, Dad."

He eyed Aang and asked, "You've been taking care of her, right?" Dropping his daughter to her feet gently, he turned to him with his arms crossed. "No funny business?"

Katara turned dark red. "Dad!"

Looking caught off guard, Aang just laughed nervously, but then caught himself and coughed before he said, "Of course not, sir. I swear on my honor as a monk!"

The chief stood there staring him down for a good minute before slapping his hand over his face and giving a hearty laugh. "Your face! I can't believe it." Before Aang could respond, Hakoda slapped him on the back. "As far as I'm concerned, you're already family, kid. Don't worry."

Katara managed to blush even more. "Dad…"

Clearing his throat, Sokka stepped forward. "Hey, guys! Long time no see."

Aang and Katara both looked at Sokka and blinked, almost as if they couldn't recognize him, but then their eyes brightened with realization. Katara walked over and looked down at her younger brother. "Sokka…"

Joining Katara at her side, Aang said, "You really weren't kidding. He looks…"

Hakoda raised an eyebrow. "What's all this about? Did you call them back here, Sokka?" He walked over to him, looking stern. "You know that Avatar Aang is a busy man, you know."

Aang smiled at the chief and said, "That may be true, but I always make time for my friends—especially when they need my help."

At this, Hakoda looked down at his son once again with concern and with a bit of pain. "You weren't completely truthful to me."

"I…didn't lie," Sokka said.

This technicality didn't seem to matter to his father.

"So you suspected something was wrong?" Aang asked.

Katara waved her hand on Sokka. "How couldn't he?"

Aang sighed and said, "You haven't been here every day, Katara. It's harder to notice gradual changes when you see something all the time."

"Exactly," Suki said as she approached the group. Pointing behind her with her thumb, she said, "Some of the guards told me that you guys were back."

Aang gawked for a moment before he said, "Whoa, Suki! You…look strong."

Katara elbowed him. "You do look like you've been taking your training seriously, Suki. You must have been very worried about my brother."

Cocking an eyebrow, Sokka asked, "What's that have to do with anything? Suki is a warrior. It's only natural for her to be strong."

Chief Hakoda looked at the sky and crossed his arms. "Nothing motivates a warrior to become stronger like the sense of needing to protect someone they love."

Looking at Suki, Sokka looked at her for confirmation. She couldn't meet his eyes. Her eyebrows narrowed as Sokka said, "I don't need protecting. I'm also a warrior, Suki. I can hold my own."

"Against new soldiers and soldiers who know better than to hurt the son of the chief," Suki said.

Sokka flushed and his eyes flashed. "That's not true."

The Avatar held up his hand, which was strangely effective at disrupting the developing scene. "Let's take this discussion to somewhere private." He turned to Hakoda. "I'm sure you're confused, sir. There's a lot going on and I'm sure Sokka will explain everything."

Hakoda nodded. "I'm sure he will." He looked at his son and continued, "But I would have preferred that you had told me earlier and not have gotten the Avatar involved."

Aang said, "All do respect, sir, but this may be a problem that I can only solve."

The chief looked at the Avatar in the eye for a second and then nodded. "Very well."


	2. Her Ice in my Eyes

Before Sokka's mind could process anything that just happened, he suddenly became aware of himself sitting Indian style on a mat in the chief's tent. All of his friends and family were gathered around in the circle. Some of whom hadn't seen each other in at least a year. Gran Gran had even managed to make her way. She was excitedly talking to Katara across the room. Sokka couldn't make out what they were talking about. He gripped his knees with his hands. The mild conversation in the room was just in preparation for the main event; Sokka could tell that everyone was anxiously waiting for him to speak up. Under normal conditions, there would have been little problem. His heart was beating so hard that he swore that it would leap from his throat if he tried to talk. A hand touched his forearm and Sokka looked to his side and found Suki giving him a nod.

He drooped his head for a moment before springing up to his feet. With little effort, all eyes were already on him and all conversation came to an abrupt end. Standing there with a wide stance and his hands on his hips, he said, "Most people here seem to have concerns about me. Let's make something clear: I'm fine, mostly. Physically, I'm not sick. That isn't to say I haven't been struggling with something, though. And that something is definitely physical." Sokka could feel the eyes of his father on him, but he kept speaking, finding it easier to keep his eyes closed so he didn't see the reactions on people's faces. "I'm not what you would call eloquent or even tactful, so let's stop dancing around the issue: I'm concerned about my body as a man." Finally, Sokka opened his eyes and found most people confused than shocked. Rubbing his brow, he said, "My body has been developing as a woman and not a man. I don't know why. Even more troubling: my body has gotten small, my voice has gotten high, and I don't expect to be a man at all anymore in the near future—at least not physically."

There was less shock and more of a subtle confirmation of thoughts on the faces of his closest loved ones, but Hakoda remained mystified. He stood up. "This a joke? I love jokes. I do. But this…"

At that, dead seriousness snaked across Sokka's face like a snake in a grassy field. "I wouldn't joke about this. On my honor as a man, this is the truth."

Silence. It billowed in from Sokka's declaration and settled at the feet of his father. Hakoda finally asked, "What would cause such a thing? I've never even heard of anything like it happening before."

Aang held up a finger. "Nice segue to me!" Aang airbended himself to his feet and smiled. "I may not know why yet, but I'm sure I can find out. Mystical stuff like this is more often than not rooted in the Spirit World. I can travel there and figure out what may have attached itself to Sokka."

"So there may be a way to reverse the curse?" Suki asked.

"Curse is a strong word, but maybe," Aang said.

Sokka crossed his arms and asked, "How couldn't this be a curse?"

"Being a woman is a curse?" Katara asked, cocking her eyebrow.

Sighing, Sokka shook his head. "Not if you were born that way. If you were born a guy, yep. Sounds pretty cursetastic to me."

Hakoda waved his hand at his son. "Then why are we wasting time talking about this? Shouldn't we get to it?"

"Aang and Katara just got here. I'm probably the most anxious to get to my true, masculine, muscular self, but they probably need to eat and rest first." Sokka said.

At the mention of Southern Water Tribe cuisine, Aang turned a bit green and said, "Don't worry about me. I don't want to be a burden. As a monk, I'm plenty happy with trail rations."

Katara eyed her boyfriend suspiciously and Hakoda slapped him hard on the back. "Nonsense! It would be rude for us not to bring out our finest food for the Avatar." He gestured to a guard who immediately saluted and left to go fetch the cooks.

Aang ducked away from the chief, coughing a bit from the slap. He felt a tap on his shoulder. Turning, he found Suki looking expectantly at him. "So you'll fix him, right? He'll go back to being the old Sokka?"

Putting up his hands, probably attempting to hold back her enthusiasm, Aang said, "I never said that I could fix him. I only afforded to find the cause. The cause may lead to a cure, but it may not."

Suki's face fell at the answer. "You mean… He could be stuck this way? What happens if you can't cure him?"

Aang frowned. "Many scenarios exist. He could get cured, he could get only partially better, he could just remain how he is right now for the rest of his life, or…he could end up continuing to progress. I feel that his fear of becoming a full-fledged woman is just." He puts his hand on Suki's shoulder and smiled. "At the very least, he has a good woman at his side, no matter what."

She avoided his eyes. "Oh, yeah… Of course."

The dinner was delicious. His father had told the truth: he had brought out the best that the Southern Water Tribe could offer; however, throughout the meal Sokka found himself picking at the food more than eating it. Suki was doing the same, but she still ate it. Aang appeared to be pretending to eat now and then.

Sokka looked at Suki and said, "You know that I still cherish you, right?"

Suki looked surprised and nodded. "Of course. I still feel the same."

He looked away at nothing in particular. "It's just… With all that's happened, I was beginning to worry that I hadn't said it enough. I didn't want you to think that…you know…"

"I never once thought that you didn't love me," Suki said, putting down her bowl of frost artichokes. "I moved here and stayed here for you."

"Is it true? Is the reason you've been training yourself so hard to protect me?"

Suki turned Sokka's head gently to look in his eyes. "What warrior doesn't train their hardest to protect their loved ones? You've been going through a rough time, so I was worried, yeah. I was worried that if something happened, you wouldn't be able to bring your full potential to a fight. You've been lax with your training and your physical upkeep. I was worried."

Sokka closed his eyes. "I'm sorry."

Suki touched her forehead to his.

After the dinner, Aang stood up and put his arms out to direct attention to him. "I will begin my journey now. Unfortunately, it will be long and boring. It isn't going to be entertaining, so I encourage everyone who doesn't require a presence here to go back to your business."

Sokka's guard friends stood up and left the room. Gran Gran excused herself, giving Sokka a kiss on the cheek as she left. She patted his shoulder. "You do make for a beautiful girl."

For some reason, relief spread out from Sokka's chest like cool water leaking from inside his body. His brow lowered in confusion. Sokka was seated in the center of the tent in front of Aang. Katara and Suki were seated next to each other to the side. Aang just gave a big smile just before snapping into his Avatar State. Blue light erupted from his arrow tattoos and eyes and his face became uncharacteristically severe. The light swallowed up Sokka and the room. Without warning, another Aang stepped out from his physical body. His spirit walked over to Sokka and then blinked in surprise.

"Sokka… Can…you see me?"

There was a pull and suddenly he became aware that he was looking at Aang looking down at his own body. "Yes…?"

Aang jumped back in surprise. "Whoa! How are you doing that?"

Sokka just stood there, clearly dumbfounded. "Your guess is as good as mine."

The Avatar walked closer and squinted up at him. "Sokka, why are your eyes so…blue?"

"Aren't they always blue?" Sokka asked with a shrug.

Aang looked from Sokka and then looked to the fur pelt leading outside. He snapped his fingers and his eyes brightened. "Let's go outside."

Before Sokka could ask why, Aang grabbed his hand and ran outside. Outside, it was night—which Sokka hadn't realized—and a full moon was casting a reflection in a fountain just outside the tent.

"Okay, here we are," Sokka said. He looked at Aang to find the Avatar gaping. "What? That's kinda creepy."

Pointing at the fountain, Aang said, "Look at your reflection. You're different under the moonlight."

Sokka's patience was waning, but he decided to humor his old friend and walked up to the fountain. When he looked down, he saw the face of a beautiful woman with icy blue eyes and long, white hair. She reminding him of Yue, but different. She was Yue if Yue was…her. The lines finally connected inside Sokka's head and he screamed, "I'm Yue?!"

Aang shook his head. "No, you're you, but there's a part of Yue inside your spirit." Sokka gave him a skeptical look, but the Avatar cleared his throat. "Yue and you shared a special bond. It was so powerful that it brought you to close together, even after only knowing each other for a short time. This bond has persisted." He pointed up to the moon. "Yue became a powerful spirit and that bond has allowed some of her power inside of you. Changing you, even your body."

"So Yue is changing me into a girl?" Sokka asked, still not convinced.

"Not intentionally, I'm sure, but so long as that bond remains inside of you, you're connected to each other and her influence is much more powerful than yours."

Sokka looked up at the moon; a dull pain ached inside of him. "So you're telling me that I need to completely let go of Yue to return to being a man."

"Unfortunately, no. If only it were that simple."

Sokka turned to him and asked, "So what do I do? How do I change back?"

Aang looked at the fountain for a moment, sighed, and then turned back to his friend. "Like I told Suki: finding the source could point the way to a cure, but in this case…"

"In this case what?"

"In this case, we're dealing with one of the most powerful spirits the world knows. If this was a case of a simple, smaller spirit causing some trouble, sure. But there's no way Yue would ever want to cause you pain. She's a young spirit who doesn't fully know the extent of her power yet. It can be dangerous to be in that kind of position. You're simply collateral damage. If she knew how to fix you, I think she would have already done it."

Taking a step back, Sokka closed his eyes and took a few breaths. "In other words: I'm stuck."

Aang frowns and avoids his eyes. "Sorry, Sokka… I wish I could do more."

Sokka crossed his arms and finally gave a nod. "Yeah, I know you would." He turned to look up at the moon one more time. "I don't think that our bond can be broken."

Walking over, Aang gestures back to the tent. "Let's head back. You're going to be exhausted."

"Why? It's only been a few minutes."

Aang laughed. "It's hard to travel to the Spirit World. Your connection to Yue has made you something unique. You have a foot in the Spirit World, almost like me."

"Does that mean that I can go back whenever I want?"

Aang gave a shrug and then looked to consider it. "Maybe, but I think it's more likely that you hitched a ride with me."

Sokka thought for a second and then said, "I suppose it's better that way. I wouldn't want to be bothered with that kind of responsibility."

Nodding, Aang said, "It can be a burden." He smiled. "But also an honor."

It was quick. Like snapping awake from a dream where you suddenly started to fall. Sokka became aware that he was back in the tent in the physical world just before he fell over onto his face. The thud of his collision snapped Katara and Suki out of their drowsy daze.

Suki stood up and ran over to Sokka's side. Kneeling down on one knee, she helped him back to a sitting position. "Are you okay? What happened?"

Standing up, Aang said, "We found out a few important things: one, Sokka has a connection with Yue still; two, that bond allows travel to and from the Spirit World. This bond is powerful and allows the transfer of energy between the two. The moon is a great spirit and Yue is new at the job. I believe her young mind with that much power has resulted in the changes in Sokka's body."

"So can you sever this bond?" Suki asked.

"No," Sokka said, "I'm stuck like this."

"That can't be," Suki said, gripping Sokka's shoulder.

"If there is a way to change him back, it would involve Yue, but I believe that if she could change him back, she would have already." Aang said.

Suki stood up once she was sure that Sokka could handle himself again. She walked up to the Avatar and said, "That's quite an assumption. Yue could be doing this on purpose. Maybe she's jealous. Maybe she wants Sokka for herself."

"Yue isn't like that," Sokka said, shakily standing back up.

"It's a bit convenient, isn't it?" Suki asked.

"Suki," Sokka said under his breath.

"In three months, I was going to be accepted as a member of the Southern Water Tribe and finally be able to marry Sokka."

"Suki," he said through his teeth.

"Then this happens. Am I really expected to believe that it's just a coincidence?"

"Yue isn't like that, Suki. She's one of the nicest people I've ever met. Way too gentle to hold any kind of jealousy or malice." Aang said. He turned to Sokka. "You should remember who's talking. You were going to marry this woman. It is a bit strange that you suddenly get angry when she's just scared."

Sokka's eyes widen with realization and then he looks at Suki's back. He couldn't see her face, but he made out the subtle tremors in her body. She was trembling. He walked over and took Suki's hand. "I'm sorry… I…"

"You still love her," Suki said.

"Well… That's true, but I don't think I won't stop loving her, just like I will never stop loving you—no matter what happens." He gave the woman's hand a tight squeeze.

Suki pulled her hand away. "I already told you: I'm no lesbian."

Stepping forward, Katara asked, "Suki, maybe we should go outside and have a talk?"

The warrior shook her head. "No."

Katara kept approaching. "Come on. Let's not say something we'll all regret, right?"

Suki pointed at Sokka while glaring at Katara. "My betrothed is a woman! Say something I'll regret? Seriously? He's also in love with another woman. What else is there to say?"

"A woman that's no longer in the picture and never will be again," Katara said.

Shaking her head, Suki stood there for a moment. She put her head in her hands. "Why is this happening?" Lifting her head back up, she said, "For a woman no longer in the picture, she sure is changing a lot about Sokka's life."

"Exactly," Aang said, his voice snapping through the hostility in the room. "You're shocked and you have every right to be, but here's the thing: if you're angry and scared about the things that Sokka is going through, how do you think Sokka feels right now? He's looking for support from the one person he should be able to expect it from. The person he expected to become his wife, the other half of his spirit."

"And I was supportive and patient. It's been months since we had a conversation before all of this happened. He never told me anything." Tears were streaming down Suki's face, but her face remained determined.

"I should have told you sooner," Sokka said, "I get that. I'm sorry, but… I'm just trying to process all of this and I'm not doing a very good job."

Raising her hands to the three others, Katara said, "Look, it's been a stressful night and a lot has happened. Nothing more will come from this discussion except for more hurt feelings. Let's all get some rest and maybe we can talk about this again tomorrow when everyone has calmed down."

Suki sighed and wiped the tears from her cheeks with her forearm. "Okay, fine. Sokka looks too upset to speak properly right now, anyway. I'm…tired of always being the strong one. I was expecting more of a partnership…" With that, she walked out of the tent.

Walking over to her brother, Katara hugged him. "I'm sorry, Sokka."

Sokka didn't say anything, but he did feel strangely content in his sister's arms. It reminded him of a far off memory of his mother. His eyes suddenly felt heavy. Not his manliest moment: falling asleep in his sister's arms while remembering his mother. He had to find a cure to this condition. He couldn't be a woman for the rest of his life. He hated this. He didn't want to lose Suki.


	3. Planning Big

A storm surge broke against the ice of the Southern Water Tribe docks, causing cracks. Lightning flashed in the void of a sky and thunder shook the ground. Sokka stood in the center of the village with abandoned, ruined buildings. Rain was falling heavily, causing the ice to melt around him. As if suddenly aware of his surroundings, he stepped back out of reflex only to find water behind him. Nearly falling into the steaming water, Sokka righted himself on his feet and began running toward the docks, the ice melting with hisses with each step. The moon rose high in the northern sky, huge and welcoming. He ran as fast as he could. At the docks, he saw a lone figure in front of a backdrop of a flashing, chaotic sky. Reaching out to the person as he ran, he opened his mouth to scream to them, but nothing came out. The person began to turn around.

Sokka's eyes opened. Sitting up, he felt a bit of sweat slid down his cheek. He laughed to himself and shook his head. Suddenly, he threw his fist down at the floor and stood up. Without much thought, he began doing squats, push-ups, and curls. It was hard. Too hard. Suki had been right about him taking it easy on his training. After finishing with his curls, he smacked the floor again, stood up, and ran out the door. His body was already screaming, but he went for a jog around the village anyway. Just a few laps. Content with the large amount of sweat, he returned to his tent to wash up. Suki was waiting for him. She was sitting on the floor and had rekindled the fire in the center of the tent.

When she looked up, he could tell that she hadn't slept well. Her eyes were pink and puffy. "I bet your body is killing you right now. You were so doughy."

He gave a weak smirk. "Nothing I can't handle. Know me, stubborn."

"To an unhealthy extent sometimes," she said and then looked down, absent-mindedly picking at her nails. She gestured over to the washing area. "Don't let me stop you. You stink. I can smell you from over here. I already know what you're top half looks like, anyway."

Sokka shrugged and decided to do just that. He walked over to the washing area and removed his coat, opened his tunic, and then took off the bandages. The bandages were soaked with sweat, so Sokka just threw them to the ground to throw away later. Dipping a cloth in a prepared bucket of water, he began washing himself.

Suki didn't look. Sokka could tell that she was avoiding seeing him like that again. "I don't appreciate feeling like the bad guy here."

"I never said you were the bad guy. This is…complicated." Sokka said as he washed himself.

"Or really simple when you stop to think about it," Suki said. "Look, I love you. I probably always will, honestly. I get that. I know you know it, but I… I don't know what to do. I don't want to leave you, but when I look at you… I see a woman. I don't even care if your tribe allows same-sex marriages or not—that's not the problem."

Sokka grimaced and said, "So you already talked to Katara this morning?"

There was a pause, Sokka assumed she was nodding, and then she said, "She came by early this morning and told me that you were still sleeping. We talked. She tried her best to convince me that I was being too harsh and that our relationship was worth more than gender." She stopped for a moment. "I can almost agree. Almost. I can imagine us together as a couple when it comes to being a family, bonding, but not sexually. You said it yourself: someday soon, you will be a woman in body."

Sokka stopped and put down the rag. Turning around, he walked over and hugged Suki from behind. He felt her body tense as his upper body came into contact with her back. She did relax, but only a bit. "I'm sorry. I didn't tell her to come. Also, you're not a bad guy. If I was in your boat, I don't think I could be with a guy sexually. I don't think it makes you a bad person."

"At the same time, I don't want our relationship to end," Suki said, her voice low.

"Me neither," Sokka said.

Suki turns and looks Sokka in the eyes. "So you still like women?"

He stopped and then thought about it, looked at Suki and then shrugged. "It seems so. Still attracted to you."

"So you're still a man mentally?"

She had to ask it. That painful question. He had been wondering it himself. If he was being honest with himself, being called beautiful, a girl, female, a woman, or cute didn't necessarily upset him. Sure, he preferred being seen as strong, masculine, and independent too. He recognized that he should be upset with insinuations that he's feminine, but the reality was far more confusing. There were too many things about this situation that were just so gray. He wanted to feel disgusted with his body. He wanted to answer Suki with a confident yes, but he just couldn't. It's not like he liked everything about being a woman. He didn't like everything about being a guy either. Always feigning control, making everyone think you're stronger than you really are, and not being able to express your true emotions were all things he hated about being male. At the same time, he wasn't stuck in a tent all day. Being a man had given him far more opportunities. If anything, that's what scared him about being a woman now: that loss of freedom, not being female itself.

Sokka blew a sign out of his mouth and looked up at the ceiling for a moment before looking back at Suki. "I won't lie to you: I don't know. I don't really feel like a guy or a girl right now."

She didn't look satisfied by his answer, but she nodded despite it. "Thank you for being honest." Standing up, she looked down at him with a smile. "I'm going back to Kyoshi Island. Don't worry: this isn't good-bye. I need some time to think and I need to go somewhere familiar."

Sokka stood up and forced a smile, but his eyes were watering a bit. "Oh… Oh, okay. I get it."

Walking over to a bag, Suki pulled out a fresh tunic and then walked back to Sokka and put it on his shoulders. "Don't be like that. We'll meet again and then we'll talk. We both have a journey to go on, I think. When we're both done, we'll meet on Kyoshi Island to talk."

Sokka stood up and said, "I may be a whole woman by then."

Suki nodded. "Most likely, but this needs to be done."

"When are you leaving?"

"Soon," Suki said and pointed her thumb in the general direction of the docks. "The next boat comes in two weeks. I'll be heading out then."

He stepped toward Suki. "So then we have until then to—"

Holding up her hand, she shook her head. "No. I'm sorry, but it's too painful for me right now."

Sokka's eyes gleamed with determination. "At least let me say good-bye properly."

She hesitated and then gave a nod. Sokka walked over and into her arms. They held each other and Sokka got up on his tip toes as he gave Suki a kiss. While Suki was accepting of the affection, her body felt unsure through trembles. She broke the kiss suddenly and then left the tent.

* * *

From that day on, Sokka continued to train. The morning run stopped tiring him out and making his muscles nearly give out, the pushups and curls became a bit easier. Progress was much slower than what he was used to when he was completely male. Still, progress was being made. Sokka was so focused on his training that he hardly noticed the days going by. True to his word, he gave Suki her space. He still caught her by coincidence while walking to do some drills or in the changing room for women, which his father now insists that he use. It was awkward, to say the least. There were very few female soldiers, but the ones that were there often ignored him or glared at him.

"Ladies, ladies," Sokka said to them one day. "I don't want to be here either, you know, but where am I supposed to change? It was a pain to hide my chest and get changed in front of the guys." It occurred to him that it was the first time that he had used the word "guys" to reference men as something outside of himself.

The lockerroom was small, but it was as big as the demand required. Five women, including Sokka, could fit snugly inside. There were not at all as tough-looking as Suki, but still looked to be in better shape than him.

The tallest of the three women put her hands on her hips and looked down at Sokka. "And we should care about that why? I don't care if some magic or whatever has made you have woman parts, you were still born male, have a male mind, and will ogle us."

"Say what you want about how I came to be in this position—I don't expect many people to believe it—but don't insult my spirit." Sokka said, making himself as tall as he could. "I'm here to protect the Southern Water Tribe, which changing room I use to gear myself up doesn't matter to me. I'm not in here to be a pervert. I'm in here to get changed and get on with my training."

"That doesn't change what you are," the woman to the right of the leader said.

"Good," Sokka said. "I never asked to be a woman. I don't want to be a woman. I'm a man, but I'm an honorable man. You have nothing to fear of me. We'll all soldiers here, so I expect everyone—male or female—to act like soldiers."

The two toadies physically backed up and looked at each other. The leader just eyed Sokka and then extended her hand. "That's all I need to here. My name is Yukara." Pointing behind her with her thumb, she said, "These two are Jena and Misaka." The two of them gave a light bow. "We've been giving you a hard time to bring back your fire. As for your condition: this world if full of mysterious stuff, so when the Avatar says something I believe it."

"This harassment was a test?" Sokka asked.

Jena peaked out from behind Yukara. "Not a test."

Nodding, Yukara said, "Like I said, we wanted to push you so you would bring out the old Sokka." She waved her hand. "I can't imagine what it's like to change sex, but I do know that it shouldn't change who you are. Like you said: we're soldiers, but sometimes we need to be reminded of who we are and what we fight for."

Sokka was surprised and humbled. He smiled at the three women and nodded. "I may not be the reactionary kid I used to be, but I guess if you still push my buttons I can't hold back."

Yukara nodded and said, "We need some of that fire. The guys don't take us female soldiers seriously. Not even you, Sokka. You've noticed how they haven't been giving it their all during sparring matches."

"That's true," Sokka said, rubbing his chin and lowering his brows in thought. "If we want them to take us seriously, we have to strike fast and hard. Catch them off guard." After saying this, a wicked grin grew on his face.

"You got an idea?" Yukara asked.

Sokka laughed a bit and said, "Oh, I do. Courtesy of a certain Kyoshi warrior."

* * *

A bit later that afternoon, the male soldiers walked into the sparring arena while talking with each other animatedly. They didn't seem to be worried about their upcoming spars. They stopped talking when they stepped inside and found the arena empty. The official was there, though, leaning on a wall. It was weird for him to be in that position if a spar isn't happening, but they all ignored him.

A soldier scoffed and said, "Late, are they?"

"Probably off, trying to make themselves pretty for us," another said with a laugh.

"I hope I get to spar with Sokka. I like 'accidentally' rubbing against her."

Some of the soldiers shook their heads.

"Gross, man. Used to be a guy. Not sure how I feel about that."

The man who was attracted to Sokka just shrugged. "She's cute, small, and that masculine attitude is just adorable." He pointed at the rest of them as they made their way to the center of the arena. "I'm telling you what you guys don't want to admit you see too."

Before anyone could argue, four of them fell to the ground. Four small blurs burst out from underneath the snow, and whack the remaining soldiers in the back. As they fall, the first four are beginning to regain their senses, so Sokka and the other girls strike them with a quick kick to the side of their heads.

The officer holds up his hand and said, "This spar goes to the female team, with a well-executed ambush."

The three girls all jump up with a cheer at the victory.

From the ground, the man with a crush on Sokka said, "That wasn't fair."

Shaking his head, the official sighed and said, "War ain't fair, kid. Ultimately, these sparring sessions are supposed to prepare you for it."

Sokka looked down at him with disgust. "Also… The things you said about me… Gross, no." He kicked snow in his face. As he was spitting the snow out of his mouth, Sokka continued, "Everyone, you need to start taking our training seriously if we're to become good soldiers."

They stood up, looked at each other, and then one of the brave ones said, "We're just not sure why they started letting girls serve. They just aren't as fast or strong as men."

Sokka regarded them for a moment and then said, "I'm not going to say that men and women don't have weaknesses and strengths of their own, but I will say that there are many examples of women being strong and leaders right in this village. Gran Gran served as the chief while my father was away. Katara is now serving as an ambassador for our village right now. Suki is one of the best soldiers the tribe has." He paused to let the thought sink in to the boys. "These examples don't illustrate a minority but a potential." He then pointed at the three female soldiers. "If given the chance, these women may be future generals or even chiefs. But they won't ever live up to their potential if you spar with kid gloves."

The boys looked from Sokka to the other girls. The one who said the things about Sokka, rubbed the back of his neck and said, "Maybe we haven't been giving you guys the proper chance. You did take us by surprise."

"Indeed," a deep voice said from behind Sokka. Turning around, Sokka found Hakoda walking up to them. "Everyone has potential inside of them. It took my own daughter to show me that the gender roles of our tribe were harming us as a tribe." He looked down at Sokka. "The women of the Southern Water Tribe are strong and proud—people definitely worthy of much respect." He looked at the boys. "It's good that people are beginning to realize this."

One of the boys said, "It isn't exactly honorable to take people by surprise."

"Honorable?" Hakoda said and then crossed his arms. "You may be right. Sokka guessed that her team didn't have the physical strength to take you guys on head-on—a correct assumption. She's right: the women of the guard are far too undertrained to stand a chance. Instead, she analyzed the situation. She assumed that you all would be expecting to win, so you would be arrogant. This created an opening to surprise you. Taken by surprise, she knew that you would be so shocked to have you or your peers taken down by a girl that it would give her and the girls another opening to inflict more damage. If you had been taking this session seriously, Sokka's plan would have failed. She analyzed the situation, the strengths of her troops, and executed a strategy. There's honor in a well-executed plan. Take this session to hear: never get overconfident. If you ever think you'll win a battle, that only means you have to pay closer attention. Anyone can surprise you."

Sokka wasn't sure what to think of all of the female pronouns, but it was still good to hear his father complimenting him. Although, he had to admit that he was right about the flaw in the plan. There wasn't a backup in case the surprise failed. He was a bit rusty at this. Maybe it was time to start attending the chief's strategy meetings again and really pay attention.

* * *

The morning fog was heavy a week later. Suki was scheduled to leave in a few days. Sokka was trying his best to train his frustration away. He was on his daily run, but it was going a bit long because his legs hadn't begun to hurt yet. It was quiet. The fog refracted sunlight, so Sokka could see just barely. It was glaringly bright. It was just another obstacle that was meant to be overcome. Anything could be turned into training. Due to this bright fog, though, he didn't notice that someone was in his path until he saw their silhouette a few feet in front of him. Sokka tried to stop, but the collision was inevitable. He braced himself, but a strong pair of arms caught him and only resulted in a bit of stumble on the part of the victim.

"Are you okay?" A man asked.

Sokka gave a laugh and said, "I'm so sorry. I couldn't see you."

"Don't blame you. This fog is so thick that I had trouble docking." The mystery man seemed familiar, but Sokka just couldn't place it. "Why are you out here running around so early in the morning?"

Sokka smirked up at him and said, "I need to train to become a respected member of the guard."

"Training is important, but environmental hazards should be thought about," he said.

"Suppose you're right," Sokka said, flushing with embarrassment.

The man appeared to be looking around. "Do you know where the chief's tent is?"

Sokka nodded. "Even in this fog, I can find it. Follow me."

He sighed with relief. "Thank you. Everyone must still be sleeping because you're the first person I've seen, aside from the guards on the docks."

"Honestly, we don't get many visitors. For some reason, people think it's a bit south of nowhere." Sokka smiled to himself. Nothing from the visitor, so his smile faded. Finding the tent wasn't hard, considering that Sokka walked to it almost every day. He could find it in the dark. Pushing the pelt aside, he walked into the dark tent. The visitor walked in after. Turning around, Sokka saw him wearing a thick coat with Fire Nation colors, a rare thing to see in Water Tribe territory. The man pulled down his hood. Sokka's eyes widened. The stiffness. The lack of humor. The urgency of every single thing he did. It was Zuko.

"Hey, Zuko!" Sokka said, pointing with both pointer fingers. "Didn't recognize you with your big coat."

The Fire Lord eyed him down a bit and said, "I don't believe we know each other. I'm Fire Lord Zuko. Please refrain from being too friendly—I'm not too good with strangers."

The thoughts floated listlessly through Sokka's head, as if he couldn't process them. He doesn't recognize me? Wait, he seriously doesn't? Then a wicked smile traced itself on his lips. He doesn't recognize me. This could be fun.


	4. The First Moment

"Could you hold on a moment?" Sokka asked. Zuko just looked at him. "I need to go freshen up. I was just on a run, after all."

Zuko blinked and then nodded. "Oh, sure."

Walking out of the tent, Sokka hurried to his tent. He splashed his face with some water and dried it off. Grabbing a brush covered in dust in the corner, he pulled his hair out of the wolf tail and took a few minutes to brush his hair. His hair was much softer and smoother than it used to be. In the last few weeks leading up to Aang and Katara's return, he had been neglecting the sides of his head. His hair had always grown quickly, which made maintaining it a pain. Lately, he's had less of a desire to. Even still, the amount that had grown in such a short time was strange. Sokka would never claim to understand anything about the spirits, but maybe the changes his body was going through was making his hair and nails grow faster. His hair didn't match in length, but when it was down, you almost couldn't tell. Looking at himself in the reflection of the water, he brushed his hair so more and made sure there wasn't any dirt or anything on his face.

Satisfied, he stood up and turned to a small bag lying beside his sleeping mat. Inside, there was a tunic designed for a woman that Gran Gran had made for him. He hadn't worn it, which made him feel a bit guilty but now is a great excuse to put it on. Sokka hurried to get changed without messing up his hair. He made a note for the future: get changed before hair. The tunic was smaller than what he was used to, but it fit. It had elaborate, flowing embroidery. Very girly. He felt a bit nervous and self-conscious going out like this. What if someone saw him? Why was he doing this again? A prank? Too many questions. He pushed them aside and with a hard swallow, he stepped outside his tent.

The fog outside was beginning to lift. He did see some early risers walking around, but no one he knew personally. Hurrying back to the chief's tent, he found Zuko seated on one of the mats arranged in a circle. Some Fire Nation guards had caught up to his and were standing on the sides of the room. They immediately looked at Sokka. Zuko held up his hand to signal to stay where they were.

"I'm sure Chief Hakoda will be along shortly. He always likes going over plans before the morning meeting in here." Sokka said.

Zuko cocked an eyebrow. "You seem to know a lot about the chief's schedule."

Sokka blinked and then laughed. "Well, you know… Small village. You just notice things when not much is going on."

The Fire Lord seemed to go off into another world for a moment and then nodded. "The Fire Palace is always a hectic place. Even beyond that, the Capital, is also always busy. So many people. So many things to do. Nobody notices anyone else's patterns or schedules. I can't imagine living in such a place." Honestly, Sokka was surprised that Zuko believed him. His amazement must be been telling because Zuko said, "Oh, sorry. I shouldn't be talking so casually with someone I just met. It feels like we know each other, though. You do look familiar."

Laughing, Sokka said, "I…uh… Well, you see, I'm related to Katara."

Zuko gave his knee a light rap and nodded. "That's it! You look a lot alike—although, I don't remember Sokka or her speaking about a sister."

Sokka waved his hand. "Oh, I'm sure it's because you guys were busy saving the world. I can see why a few personal details would get pushed to the side."

"It was a hectic time. There was so much going on. I didn't think a lot of things I did back then through." He looked away, his eyes going soft. "Mai…"

"How is Mai?" Sokka perked up. "Ummm… Katara mentioned here. She's your fiancée, right?"

Zuko kept his gaze away from Sokka and said, "We were betrothed for most of our lives. Never really thought about it. Never really cared. There was always something else going on." He shook his head. "Problems start when you start thinking."

"Don't I know," Sokka said to himself. Leaning forward, he asked, "Did something happen?"

"About a year ago, I asked her if she loved me. Like really loved me—I wasn't really sure what love was, still don't. I liked Mai. She was familiar. I couldn't help but wonder, though: is that enough? Mai seemed to think so. I even tried to convince myself that it was enough too, but it gnawed at my in the back of my mind." He laughed to himself and continued, "I guess I have my own dreams about how I think this stuff should happen. For a long time, the Fire Nation line has been determined by birth." His face grew serious. "But we don't live in that Fire Nation anymore. A departure from what's expected and what's traditional was imminent. I needed to find out for myself what that meant."

All of this was foreign to Sokka, but he was interested regardless. "What does it mean?"

Zuko looked into the hearth at the center of the room. "Wish I knew. It's something I haven't discovered yet. But it involved getting to know Mai beyond the tradition, beyond what was expected. What I found is that we have too little in common. We got along, but nothing special." He laughed lightly in an almost bitter way. "Sorry, I'm talking too much—you're easy to talk to."

Sokka shrugged and said, "I sometimes think it's really easy to talk to strangers, especially when you're traveling. It's easy to tell your secrets to someone you're not going to see tomorrow and for the rest of your life."

"Oh, so you've traveled?" The Fire Lord asked.

It was at that moment that Chief Hakoda walked in with Katara. They seemed to be having a conversation about something, but whatever it was got cut off at the sight before them.

"Sokka?" Katara said, her eyes wide.

Hakoda's face changed from shock to a bittersweet look of pride.

"Where's Sokka?" Zuko asked.

Katara looked at Zuko and then Sokka in confusion and then her eyebrows descended with anger as she worked out what must be going on.

Hakoda stepped forward with his arms wide and said, "Fire Lord Zuko! This is a surprise and quite an honor. A guard woke up when you arrived, but you caught me off guard. It's taken me a while to assemble the generals for an early meeting." He pointed at him with a smile. "I'm glad you're here. We need to iron out some misunderstandings in some trade agreements."

Zuko grew a bit pale at the prospect of paperwork and sighed. "If we must. I came because I got word that Aang and Katara had returned home and I wished to show my respects and thanks after all that happened with Mother."

Looking confused and then pitiful. "Zuko, we're friends. You don't need to thank us for anything. It's what we do."

Throwing up a fist, Sokka said, "Yeah, we showed Azula a thing or two during that, huh?"

Zuko turned to look at Sokka, suspicion in his eyes. "You weren't there, were you?"

Sokka covered his mouth. Katara glared at him and then smiled at Zuko. "Do you mind? I need to have a talk with my sister."

The Fire Lord nodded and then seemed to be mentally preparing himself as the generals came marching into the tent to sit in the circle. Katara dragged Sokka out of the tent after they entered. She threw him a few feet from the fountain and put her hands on her hips. "What was that?"

Sokka sighed with relief and ran a hand through his hair. "It was just meant to be a goof, honestly, but things…got weird."

"Weird how?" Katara asked.

He shrugged. "He started talking about Mai and how things didn't work out with her."

Katara gave him a dubious look. "Zuko? About Mai? To you? Some girl he never saw before?"

"He was the one who pointed out how strange it was," Sokka said.

"So what was your plan?"

Sokka gave a smile and said, "Maybe flirt with him a little and then reveal my identity and be all—ah hah!" He jumped toward Katara and waved his hands around. "It was me all along!"

Katara wasn't impressed. "That's so stupid."

"Tell me about it," Sokka said, turning away while rolling his eyes. "He totally ruined it by making it all serious."

"That's not what I meant, Sokka," Katara said, crossing her arms. "You need to be careful. Your change is supposed to be a secret."

Sokka turned slowly with a raised eyebrow. "It's the worst kept secret in the village!"

Katara threw her hands out at Sokka. "Well, duh! I meant to everyone else. You can't hide your identity from the village, but the entire Fire Nation doesn't need to know you grew boobs."

"It's not all of the Fire Nation. It's just Zuko. Settle down."

She took a moment to collect her thoughts before continuing, "Not just Zuko. His guards were in there. They know who Sokka is. They know he's one of the people that helped end the war. If they found out that you're a woman now, why wouldn't they tell someone?"

Sokka just shook his head. "When did everything get so complicated? I can't even prank a friend."

"Well, when that friend becomes the Fire Lord, things get complicated," Katara said. There was a pause and then she smiled slyly. "By the way, nice outfit. Gran Gran make it for you?"

Sokka had forgotten about the girly outfit and he felt his cheeks burn with embarrassment. "Yeah… Oh, no…"

Katara just patted his shoulder. "Welcome to womanhood, dear brother." She studied him for another second. "Wow… You even brushed your hair and washed your face." Giggling, she asked, "Maybe you like Zuko?"

A fire burst from inside Sokka's chest and it exploded out of his mouth. "What?!"

Katara kept giggling. "You're so red."

"I'm not red. I'm not blushing. I don't like Zuko. He's Zuko." He felt as if he should be angry or disgusted, but he only felt alarm.

Holding up her hand, she couldn't breathe she was laughing so hard. "Now you settle down. I was only teasing you." She paused for a moment. "But seriously, I think that you should tell Zuko the truth, but just make sure you're alone. Don't worry; I can help make it happen."

Sokka's face fell serious as he said, "You you talked with Suki at all?"

She nodded and sighed. "She won't listen to reason. I tried to tell her that you're still the same person, but…"

"That isn't enough and I understand why," Sokka said.

Katara's eyebrows rose with surprise. "You do? But if you're the same person, why should it matter if you're a girl now? Suki is already kind of butch."

He stared for a second and then slapped his forehead. "You can be surprisingly dense sometimes. Look, imagine if Aang became a woman, would you really be okay with that?"

She stopped and looked like she was taking the question seriously and then nodded. "Of course. I would still love him and stay by his side, even if he became a woman." The look in her eye told him that she was being serious.

Surprised and a little impressed, it took a bit before Sokka could respond. "Then maybe you don't understand that not everyone is like that. Not everyone's sexuality is that fluid. Suki likes men and that's all she likes. She still loves me, but I have a female body now—well, not completely yet, but you know what I mean. When she looks at me, she sees a woman and she can't… Well… Get into it."

Crossing her arms, Katara seemed to be taking this in with difficulty. "But she admits that she still loves you."  
"Sometimes," Sokka began to say, but a knot got caught in his throat for a moment. "Sometimes love isn't enough to overcome some obstacles. She feels terrible enough about this situation already. She doesn't want to leave. She doesn't want us to break up. At the same time, it may be inevitable."

She nodded and said, "Lately, she's been thinking a lot. I can tell. When we talk, it's like she's somewhere else. I'm pretty sure she misses you."

There wasn't anything else Sokka could say about Suki that he hasn't already said to Katara in the past week, so he just nodded. It was about then that the generals began to leave the tent, looking a bit smugger than Sokka was comfortable with after leaving a meeting with Zuko. The two siblings looked at each other with the same look of animosity toward the situation. Still, they walked back inside the tent. As they stepped inside, they found Hakoda in the middle of what looked like a bonding conversation, but Zuko looked a bit frayed in mood.

Clapping her hands, he caught the attention of the men. "Zuko, it's been a long time."

His face brightened with the sight of someone friendly and then he nodded. "It has."

Katara smiled and said, "Now, I know that you're busy, but there's something I need to tell you. It's personal, though, so could you excuse your guards?"

The Fire Lord nodded and then gave a hand signal to his guards. The guards hesitated, but obeyed and marched out of the tent in precise lines. Sokka noticed and admired the discipline, but wasn't a big fan of the robotic way that they moved.

Once the guards were gone, Katara peaked outside to make sure they had taken posts outside of earshot. When she was satisfied, she walked back and sat next to Zuko. She gestured to Sokka to do the same. Sokka wasn't sure about sitting so close if he didn't have to, but he did so anyway.

"A lot of things have changed in the past two years," Katara said with a light smile.

"Don't have to tell me," Zuko said, looking visibly more relaxed that he doesn't have to look and sound so official anymore. "The Fire Nation is like a completely different place."

Katara gave Sokka a look and he groaned nonverbally and said, "Here's the thing, Zuko."

The Fire Lord looked at Sokka and his face immediately snapped back into professional mode. "Please—"

Sokka held up his hand. "Yeah, I know, but you do know me." Zuko didn't looked convinced, but Sokka smiled and said, "When you first met me, I charged at you with a club and you kicked me to the side as if I was nothing."

He gave Sokka a look almost as if saying that it could have been anyone from when he was younger, but then looked perturbed and then laughed. "I still don't know. It couldn't be who I'm thinking, but then again… I haven't seen Sokka since I came here." He pointed to Katara. "And Katara called you Sokka earlier."

"Katara never mentioned another sibling because we didn't have another sibling. I'm Sokka."

Zuko shifted toward Sokka and asked, "How did this happen?" He held out a hand and cupped Sokka's cheek. "You look and feel exactly like a woman."

Sokka's cheeks flushed and a strange excitement grew from deep inside his chest, but he backed away and said, "Aang determined that my bond with Yue is the cause of the change. He isn't sure why, but guesses that she didn't do it on purpose. A part of her is inside of me and since she's a woman, my body began to reflect her will."

"This spiritual stuff," Zuko said with exasperation, "can be a source of frustration and confusion. Aang is stretched thin as the only person who can go to the Spirit World."

Katara gave Zuko a reassuring pat on his arm. "He can handle it."

"I want to believe you and believe in him," the Fire Lord said. "But the world is changing and the Aang is a creature of the past. He's having a hard time coping with all the changes happening in the Earth Kingdom."

She sighed and nodded. "He is, but I think a lot of the world outside of the Fire Nation and the Earth Kingdom is having a hard time adjusting to all of the new machines appearing. Factories. Look around you in this village: not a single machine to be found. I can't help but feel like it'll be like that for a long time yet."

Zuko looked at Sokka seriously and then took his hands into his as he said, "I can't imagine what this has been like for you, Sokka. I hope that you're doing okay."

Once again, Sokka felt his cheeks flushing. "Dude, I'm not dying. I'm just becoming a woman." Seizing a hand away from Zuko, he waved it as he said, "Granted, it did take me a while to admit to what was happening."

"A while?" Katara said, leaning into Sokka's view. "You waited years before you told anyone and only after it had become visibly obvious."

Zuko let go of Sokka's other hand. "If there's anything I can do to help, just let me know."

Sokka got close to saying nothing, but an idea occurred to him. "I could use a ride to the Northern Water Tribe."

"The Northern Water Tribe? Why?" Katara asked.

"Because if there's any way I can talk to Yue, it would be there," Sokka said.

The Fire Lord nodded and said, "You got it."

Katara said, "You could always ask Aang to give you a ride with Appa."

Sokka held up his hand. "I appreciate that, but this is a journey I think I need to take on my own. I can't explain it."

Smirking, Katara said, "You know, those clothes really suit you, Sokka. You should keep wearing them." She elbowed Zuko. "Right?"

Visibly put on the spot, he stopped to look at Sokka and a little pink formed on his cheeks. "Uh… Yeah… You look…cute, Sokka. I like it." He coughed. It was almost as if he saw Sokka as a woman for the first time.


	5. Familiar Obstacles

Sokka seemed to be surrounded by busy people. Aang, Zuko, and his father were all tied up in meetings with the generals more often than he believed any of them wanted to be. Suki kept herself busy in other ways. When she wasn't training, she was spending time with Katara and Gran Gran. It made going to see Gran Gran almost impossible. Still, the day for Suki finally came on a quiet morning. It was a considerably less foggy day than when Zuko arrived, thankfully. The female soldiers and a few of the male soldiers were there to see her off, along with Gran Gran, Aang, Katara, Zuko, and Hakoda. Zuko was observing from behind the others with Sokka. Sokka was there for moral support only, still keeping his promise not to talk to her.

"Women," Zuko said with a little smile.

Sokka just looked at him.

"Can't live with them, can't… Wait… You're a woman." The Fire Lord coughed and looked away and became oddly tense.

Sokka returned to watching his family give Suki her farewell. It made Sokka nervous and not just because his betrothed was leaving. It was the atmosphere. The finality of it. He tried his best to convince himself that it was all in his head. Then the time came. The fisherman came and told Suki that it was time to go. The boat that would be transporting Suki back to Kyoshi Island was small, dwarfed beside the Fire Nation ship on the next dock over. As she boarded the ship, she stopped and looked back at the crowd, specifically at Sokka. Sokka held up his hand. She turned and stepped onto the boat. The group of people continued shouting their good-byes for a few minutes as the boat slowly drifted away into the sea. After a while, the group began to disperse. Sokka remained for a while longer, just staring out and watching the boat get smaller and smaller. There should be a feeling, but Sokka felt nothing. Was that normal? Clenching his chest, he was certain a pain should be coming from there, but all he felt was numbness. It was unnatural. Maybe he's had time to come to terms with it? Was two weeks really long enough? Perhaps he had already come to terms with this disaster months ago. Probably the first time he ever had to bandage his chest. He still used bandages, but Katara had taught him how to bandage for support rather than having a vain attempt at stopping the inevitable. As such, when Sokka looked down, he clearly saw his breasts—it was still jarring. He made sure to look down as little as possible.

Then it happened. He thought in passing about whether or not he would ever see Suki again. Sure, they had agreed to meet at an unspecified time, but would it ever happen? She didn't seem interested in continuing to have a relationship as he was now. Gripping his tunic, his brows descended in frustration as tears began pouring out. He sobbed bitterly and wiped the tears with his sleeve.

"I need to talk to Yue. I need to turn back." Sokka said out loud to no one in particular.

"Then we should set out as soon as possible," Zuko said, still beside Sokka.

Sokka looked up at the Fire Lord. Zuko was standing there not in the official way he regarded Sokka when he first came to the village. Instead, he looked out at the boat and then down at Sokka with a smile. It was clear that he decided to stay beside Sokka as a friend. For whatever reason, this made Sokka even more overcome with emotion. Zuko, without a word, took Sokka into his arms with one fluid motion and held him close. Without any thoughts of pride or honor as a man to cloud his mind, Sokka cried into Zuko's chest. It was an odd moment for the man turned woman. Crying was always seen as a weakness, but in that moment, it was strangely empowering to be able to allow himself to feel. To express himself. To allow the emotions to flow out of him. It was more than just Suki. It was the whole situation. All of the bitterness, frustration, and anger that bottled up inside of him during the two years he kept his changing body a secret. It all came out in an eruption of tears. It was also in that moment that Sokka came to realize that a bond had formed between Zuko and himself. A bond that was forged from the raw emotion of that moment.

Suddenly, Zuko pulled Sokka way just enough to look down into his eyes. "I will get you to the Northern Water Tribe, Sokka."

Soon after, it was decided that the Fire Lord would be setting out tomorrow. His guards and the ship's crew took the announcement in stride, but those of the village took it with surprise. The generals in particular thought of it as insulting to leave so quickly. They were beginning to annoy Sokka, honestly. They were only coming up with excuses to continue hating Zuko. Hakoda managed to talk to them, though. He seemed to understand the plight of his child a lot better than anyone else in the village—especially Katara.

Katara and Sokka were seated on a snowy hill just outside of the village. They got a good view of the sparring arena from up here. Sokka was watching a sparring match between Yukara and a male soldier with interest. She was losing, but not as much as she would have a week earlier. She was learning quickly.

"I just think that it's a little selfish," Katara said, "Zuko is a very busy man these days. He shouldn't be the subject of your whims."

Sokka turned to look at his sister and said, "My whims? This isn't a little thing, Katara. I need to figure this out and Zuko was the one who volunteered to help. He was doing it as a friend, not as the Fire Lord."

Nodding, Katara said, "I understand that: but as his friend, you should have realized what it meant to take his time away from being the Fire Lord."

"I know what you mean," Sokka said, putting a hand on his shoulder. He could still feel the strength of Zuko's arms around him. "I do know what you mean, but he was insistent."

"But why?" Katara asked. "I get wanting to help out a friend, but why would he push the issue?"

Sokka's cheeks burned a bit. "I don't know."

Katara gave a light smile and shrugged. "Whatever. I guess that's normal."

Perking up, Sokka asked, "What's normal?"

"Well, you're a woman now," Katara said.

Sokka narrowed his eyes at her. "I don't like where this is going."

Katara gave her brother's shoulder a few light pats. "This is perfectly normal for a girl, Sokka."

He huffed with anger and asked through his teeth, "What's normal?"

"To discover men, of course," Katara finally said. "It's nothing to be ashamed of. You're beginning to notice guys."

Jumping to his feet, Sokka yelled, "There's no way that's true!"

Katara just smiled up at him. "Although, it may be a bit soon. Poor Suki just left." He took a step back, turning away from Katara. His sister looked surprised and then stood up too. "Sokka… Wait… Are you serious? I was only teasing." Silence enveloped the area, only the light sounds of sparring were heard in the distance. Katara stepped to him and then gently turned him around. Her eyes went wide, seeing the tears stubbornly welling in Sokka's eyes. "Sokka…"

"I don't understand what's happening to me. I keep crying. People keep comforting me. I…" Sokka trailed off.

She looked down for a moment and then met her brother's eyes with determination shining behind her eyes. "Okay, I'm sorry. I didn't know you were taking Suki's leaving so hard. I should have known, but you were always so…stoic before when it came to stuff like this."

"It used to be easier to pretend," Sokka admitted and then he shook his head. "It isn't just Suki. I've been having weird feelings all the time. New feelings. Different feelings. Intense ones."

Katara sighed and said, "I'm not sure if girls feel things more potently than men. I think men just aren't allowed to feel because it isn't manly. Maybe you've kind of opened the flood gates. You're not just feeling about Suki, but you're feeling everything you've pent up. Probably for years—before you even met Yue. You never reacted much after Mom. Sure, you relied on me, but only because you were young. You never confided in me or showed any emotion about what happened… You learned to turn your grief into humor."

Sokka walked away a bit and kicked some snow. "I want to go back to how I was."

"Aang said—"

He turned suddenly, taking Katara by surprised, and pointed at the ground as he said, "Aang doesn't know what it's like!"

Putting up her hands, Katara said, "I know. Sorry. You're right. He doesn't know what it's like to be a girl. I do, but I also don't know what it's like to be a boy who turned into a girl."

"I tried, Katara," Sokka said. "I tried my best to keep Suki, but I couldn't. I was so afraid of losing her, but in the end… I knew I had already lost her ages ago."

Katara looked genuinely confused. "Is this about you or Suki?"

"Both," Sokka said. "And not both. Both up until a certain point. It's complicated."

Blowing one of her hair loops, Katara said, "That's an understatement."

Sokka smiled a bit, but it faded quickly. "Point is that I already got over Suki long before any of this happened. I knew she would never want to be with me once she found out—I figured it was only a matter of time. You know the rest."

"I know it's hard to admit when things don't turn out well, but you can make it through," Katara said.

"That's not even half of it, though," Sokka said.

Katara gaped for a moment. "There's more?"

Sokka shrugged. "Only a little bit more. Thing is that what was really frustrating was how powerless I felt throughout the whole ordeal. Powerless, scared, and overcome." He looked away. "I was used to encountering things head-on. Always been that way, but for whatever reason… I somehow became a coward. Scared of everything. To the point that I stopped training. Suki got caught in the middle of that—it's what I'm really upset about. I guess I was so caught up in it that I didn't stop to consider that putting off telling her was hurting her. She was going to marry me, after all—what would have happened if I told her after we got married?"

"Maybe you would have worked it out? You still might." Katara said.

Her brother looked doubtful and he said, "There's being optimistic and then there's being foolish. I'm not that far gone to realize what really happened when Suki got on that boat."

Katara crossed her arms and asked, "What do you think happened?"

"Not what I think. What I know." Sokka said and then looked down at the snow. He put left hand on his right elbow and sighed. "Suki isn't coming back. This isn't a break; it's a break-up. She may need some time to think about it, but when we meet again on Kyoshi Island, it's what she'll tell me. It's the logical conclusion to this mess. She doesn't want a wife. It's as simple as that."

His sister frowned at him. "I don't get it."

He cocked an eyebrow. "Don't get what?"

"You used to be so in love with her," Katara said.

He nodded and said, "Still am, honestly. Like I told her, I'll love her forever. Same as Yue."

Katara took a step forward. "Then isn't this worth fighting for? Is it really okay for you to just give up?"

"You really don't get it, do you?" Sokka took a step forward as well, so they were only inches apart. He glared at her. "There's no bad guy here. No one gave up anything without a fight. No one accepted this on a whim. This was hard for both of us. In the end, breaking up is the best thing to do. She can find someone new—a real man—and I…"

"And you?"

Sokka's face softened and the fire behind his eyes faded. "I'm not sure…"

Katara sighed and put her finger on Sokka's sternum. "This is where a real man is. Your body is just a vessel. If you want to be a real man for Suki, it could still happen."

Sokka gently pushes her finger away. "I appreciate what you're trying to say, but the point stands: it's not how the real world is. The reality is that I'm a woman."

"You can say that awfully easy, but I wonder if you really believe it," Katara said, looking at him as if she was trying to pierce into Sokka's soul with her eyes.

Sokka stared right back at Katara. "I would be lying if I said I was thrilled with the idea, but honestly… I don't mind being a woman." The words came out. After they were out, it took a moment before Sokka's hand came up and covered his mouth. He trembled with shock. The words weren't what frightened him. It was the sincerity of them. How matter-of-fact they were. Most importantly: they were honest, coming from the deepest parts of him that he was trying to ignore. For a long time. From before he had ever met Suki, or Yue, or even left the South Pole. The reason why he got caught up on proving himself as a man. He wanted to be like his father because the chief was the manliest guy he knew. He wanted to join the army because being a warrior was the manliest professional he knew. It was all to cover up one simple fact: he wasn't a man. He never had been.

Katara's eyebrows turned upward with concern. "Sokka? Are you okay? You look a little pale." He could plainly see Katara reaching out, but her voice felt like it was coming from somewhere far off. Even when she lightly grabbed his arm, the touch felt like nothing more than an echo of a touch. The kind of sensation you get when you try to recall the touch of someone at some point in the future.

He became aware of himself again suddenly and stepped away from Katara, brushing her away. "I'm fine, I… I need to get going to the ship. Zuko is probably finished his preparations by now."

"You don't seem fine. Maybe you should wait another day before leaving."

"I can't do that," Sokka said, looking away from his sister. "I need to figure this out. If I stay here another day, I might change my mind and I really don't want that to happen."

Surprisingly, Katara didn't inquire any further. Maybe she could tell that Sokka was getting more upset toward the end of the conversation and simply didn't want to make it worse. When the two siblings arrived at the docks, they found a handful of the soldiers standing there, including all of the female recruits. The chief and Zuko were standing nearby the ship in a strangely heated conversation. As they approached, Yukara and the other women of the guard came running over.

"This is sudden, Sokka," Yukara said.

Sokka gave a small smile and said, "Sorry, this thing just came up and… It's just something that I need to do."

Yukara nodded. "I understand. Still, we were learning a lot from you. It's a shame to see you leave."

He gave a laugh and said, "It's not like I'm leaving forever, you know. I'll be back soon. Until then, I'm sure the men will continue teaching you. You've all learned a lot and I've learned a lot from you."

Sokka gave a bow and they gave a bow in return.

When he turned to his father and Zuko, Sokka noticed that Aang had appeared between them. Sokka's brows descended with curiosity and he approached the three men. He walked in on the middle of a conversation.

"I don't understand why this is such a big deal," Zuko said, rubbing his forehead with exasperation.

Aang frowned and appeared to be thinking.

Hakoda folded his arms and stood tall. "It would be one thing if you were taking her away for some Avatar business, but you seemed too anxious to take her away."

Shock gripped at Sokka's breath, his eyes got wide and his left lower eyelid twitched. Stomping over, Sokka glared up at his father. "What's this all about?"

The chief looked taken aback by Sokka's appearance at the scene. "Oh, Sokka! Hey, um… We were just talking about you."

"I gathered that," Sokka said.

Aang appeared at Sokka's side. "In your father's defense, this trip was planned suddenly."

Sokka nodded. "I get that part, but that's not the point."

"It's not?" Aang asked.

This had been an emotional day for him, so he couldn't help it. Sokka glared at his father. "You want to talk about sudden? How about your sudden insistence to treat me like a little girl?"

"I didn't mean it like—"

Jabbing his finger against Hakoda's chest, Sokka said, "Yeah, I'm a girl. Yes, I'm your daughter. I'm not little. I'm not a child. If I want to travel to the other side of the world, I can." Sokka gestured at Katara. "Katara does it all the time."

Hakoda's expression softened and he put his hands on Sokka's shoulders. "I understand what you're trying to say, but Katara's situation and yours are completely different. You're still adjusting to this new life. I'm worried that you're not ready for something like this."

"I appreciate that, but why were you involving Zuko? He was just being a friend."

The chief frowned at that. "I'm not so sure. It seemed like he was too eager to take my vulnerable daughter away from me."

Sokka threw his hands up in the air. "Why is everyone telling me to wait, telling me who I am, and telling me what I should do." He jabbed his thumb toward himself. "I make the decisions for my life. I decide what I'm doing and where I'm going." After a moment, Sokka stood up straight, let out a breath and said, "This was my idea, Dad. Zuko only offered a ride. I would be going with or without his help."

Hakoda nodded and said, "Alright, but I'm still not sure about you being alone with him."

Suddenly, the gears inside Sokka's head screeched as they began to turn with a little rust. "Wait… Wait a second. Are you saying you're angry because you think Zuko…" He looked at the Fire Lord and then back at his father. "You think Zuko and me?"

"What else am I supposed to think? My beautiful youngest daughter is going away with some strange man." Hakoda said this with a nod.

All of the frustration and anger that was bursting out of Sokka suddenly evaporated into a storm of laughter. Sokka held his sides and tears started forming at the edges of his eyes. Everyone just watched in surprise. After a moment, Sokka wiped the tears from his eyes and said, "Like anything would ever happen between me and a guy." He pointed at the Fire Lord. "And Zuko?!"

Hakoda looked like Sokka had taken all of the wind out of his sails. "It's a legitimate fear a father should have."

Walking over to Zuko, Sokk nudged him. "My favorite part was when he called me 'beautiful.' Funny stuff, right?"

The Fire Lord looked a bit flushed as he said, "Oh, yeah… Funny." He laughed forcefully and coughed.

Sokka cocked an eyebrow at him. "You coming down with something? You've been doing that weird cough thing for a while."

Aang looked from the chief to the Fire Lord and asked, "So this is over now?"

"It should have never been a thing to begin with," Sokka said. With that, he grabbed Zuko's forearm and started dragging him to the ship. "Let's go."

The soldiers were screaming good-byes as Sokka left the docks behind him, stepping onto the metal Fire Nation ship. He tried his best not to look back, but he did. The female soldiers were waving. Katara and Aang were standing next to a visibly upset Hakoda, but he wasn't stopping the ship from disembarking. Slowly, the ship closed. The last thing Sokka saw was Katara looking at him. It was apparent that she didn't think that leaving was a good idea either. Why was everyone he knew so crazy?


	6. Doubt’s Specter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are getting boring and stuffy aboard Zuko's ship. After bumping into the Fire Lord, things become more confusing than ever.

The trip to the Northern Water Tribe was going smoothly, but being on a Fire Nation ship does lead to a lot of boredom. Not from lack of trying either. Sokka was sure that the Fire Nation soldiers would be pretty similar to the guys back home, but they kept their distance and took their job seriously. Ultimately, Sokka chose to respect that. Respect doesn’t turn into hours of entertainment, though, so it didn’t solve the initial problem. Zuko was also keeping his distance, but he was harder to figure out. Unlike the guards, they weren’t strangers and Zuko didn’t appear to be official when Sokka was around, yet he seemed stiff nonetheless. At the very least, it gave Sokka time to think. Honestly, that was probably for the best. Spending hours in thought in his room and unwinding with walks around the ship—after memorizing the schedule of the men, so Sokka wouldn’t get in the way while they were trying to work.

Sokka’s departure from the Southern Water Tribe was rough—to say the least—and it had been the subject of introspection. The scene with Katara on the hill came back vividly. The revelation that maybe the change was a combination of both Yue and Sokka. After all, this desire was old. Before Yue and Sokka had ever met.

Standing alone in the dark quarters, the room was lit only by a single candle. Still, the room was large enough to allow a table and mat for eating, study, and thought. Sokka was kneeling at the table, his brow furrowed with concentration. He looked down at his hands and arms. They were thin, but muscle tone was appearing under soft skin. He closed his right hand into a fist and felt some real strength for the first time in months. He patted his stomach, which felt less soft and more taunt. Inevitably, his hands drew up and he touched his chest. Even though he spent so longer hiding them, he was never afraid of his breasts. Ashamed for all the wrong reasons: what if someone found out he didn’t mind them? Sokka still wanted to be strong, but he also didn’t mind looking like a girl. He wanted his enemies to fear him, but he also didn’t mind being thought of as cute. Zuko appeared briefly in his mind and he felt heat racing to his face.

Sokka shaked his head and slapped his cheeks. He leapt to his feet and walked around the chamber for a few seconds. He cleared his throat and coughed and did some stretches in a desperate attempt to shake off any strange thoughts. After a moment, he decided that he really needed some fresh air.

He opened the door and took a step outside and immediately felt something heavy hit him. Sokka nearly fell, but managed to catch himself with his foot. Before he could even look to see what hit him, a hand grabbed Sokka’s arm. Getting ready for a fight, he turned with a glare but only found Zuko looking concerned.

“Are you all right? Did I hurt you?”

Sokka opened his mouth, but then closed it. He kept trying to ignore thoughts that kept appearing in his head. “Of course I’m all right. I’m Sokka of the Southern Water Tribe. It takes more than running into someone to hurt me.” He laughed a little too loudly, caught himself and then cleared his throat.

“We haven’t spoken for a while,” Zuko said and then gestured for Sokka to follow him.

Not having any better plans, Sokka obeyed and followed Zuko onto the bow of the ship. Out in the open sea air, Sokka had to hold his hand up to keep his hair from flying everywhere. The wind was warm and Sokka was glad he was wearing her light tunic. “I’ve been doing a lot of thinking.”

“About?” Zuko asked.

Sokka smiled and then blushed and then looked away, hoping Zuko didn’t notice. “A lot of things, but mostly about what I told Katara back at the village before we left.”

“What did you two talk about?” Zuko said, leaning against the railing of the ship.

“About a lot of things—mostly about me. We talked about Suki and how she thought that Suki shouldn’t have left and that I didn’t fight hard enough to make her stay.”

Zuko pulled himself away from the railing and looked at Sokka. “Well, I’ve often been told that love is often something one does fight for. Relationships are hard and sometimes you need to fight to keep one alive.”

“I don’t doubt that’s true, but it’s difficult when someone just isn’t attracted to you anymore.” Sokka looked down at the water.

The Fire Lord scratched his cheek and said, “Yeah, I can actually see how that would be a difficult situation.”

Sokka rolled his eyes. “At least someone does.” He looked back to Zuko and said, “But it wasn’t just about that. I’m not really convinced that…”

“What?” Zuko looked down at him with his complete attention. It seemed that Zuko realized this was important.

Holding out his hands in front of him, Sokka said, “Now, I know this is going to sound crazy…”

“You can tell me, Sokka.”

Dropping his hands back to his sides, Sokka breathed deep and said, “I think that I’ve always been different. I tried my best to be a boy because it was expected of the son of the chief. Not to mention, my father was a shining example to me of what it meant to be a man. It became important to me to live up to his example. I thought…” Sokka stopped for a moment. “I thought that if I became like my dad that I would be just like him, so these feelings and thoughts would go away. But they never did. Then I began changing and started to feel better about myself and my body. I started to be happy, but I also got scared because I didn’t want so many things to change—you know how well that turned out.”

“Yeah,” Zuko said.

“My body changing made me confront something that I’ve always kept secret: I wanted to be a girl. I’ve always been jealous of Katara, so I used to give her a hard time.”

“Really?”

“To be honest, I’ve been freaking out about it for a long time, but it wasn’t for the usual suspects. I’m scared of this change. I’m scared of everything changing, but I’m not scared of being a woman. I’m not upset over growing boobs. I’m not upset over looking like a girl. I’m not upset over getting slimmer and more…shapely. I was upset of being seen as a woman and having people look down on me because it. I was afraid of people thinking it was a weakness, that I wasn’t the same person I always was. Worse, I was afraid that people would judge me for being so different.”

The Fire Lord looked away, out at the horizon, and said, “Fears and anxiety grown from a rejection of change and fear of things no longer being the same.” He walked over to the railing and leaned over, bracing himself with his hands. “You and the world seem to have that in common. So many people want to keep hating the Fire Nation just because it’s what they’ve always done. So many people in the Fire Nation want to keep thinking they’re better than everyone else because it’s how they’ve always felt.”

Sokka smiled and said, “You sound a bit like your uncle.”

Zuko smiled back. “That’s perhaps the best compliment someone can give me.” He turned back to the ocean. “But when the world sees us giving aid, finding solutions to the problems with the colonies, and even humbling ourselves for the sake of peace—it ruins their image of the Fire Nation as a bunch of villains. Likewise, it makes them afraid. Makes people question our motives.” He pulled off the railing and turned back to Sokka. “Ultimately, what they think doesn’t matter as much as what we think. If we believe that we’re better, we’re doomed to repeat history. Instead, change begins at home. And here’s the important part: things never stay the same; things are always in a constant state of change.”

Sokka gave a smirk. “Look at you: thinking you’re so smart.”

“Hey! Trying to help here.”

Giving a nod, Sokka said, “Yeah, I know. Thanks. I guess what matters most is how I think about this change and not about anyone else.” With that, he stepped over to Zuko and placed his hands on Zuko’s shoulder, looking up into his eyes. Zuko’s eyes widened with surprise and his cheeks turned a bit pink. “Zuko.”

“Yeah?” Zuko asked with a squeak. He coughed and cleared his throat. “I mean, yes?”

Sokka smiled and said, “I’m a girl. Inisde and out. I guess you can say that I’m coming out to you, Zuko. I always have been this way. I finally admitted it to myself.”

The Fire Lord went silent for a moment and then said, “So then this change was kind of a good thing for you?”

“The transition could have been less rough. I could have dealt with not losing Suki in the process, but yeah. I guess you could say that my biggest, darkest wish has come true.” Sokka suddenly became aware with how close he was to Zuko and stepped backward. He felt oddly hot and could hear his heart beating in his ears.

He stood in silence for a while, just looking out at the waves. Sokka remained silent too, trying his best not to think, honestly. He had been doing so much lately that his mind felt burnt out. Waves of relief washed over Sokka from just standing in silence with Zuko, feeling his support and his wish to respect his unspoken wish for silence. They stood there listening to the waves break against the ship and the footsteps of the soldiers going about their orders. The sun put a warm blanket of heat against their skin and while Sokka was sweating, he was enjoying it. Zuko seemed unfazed by the heat, without a single drop of sweat despite being in full uniform.

Finally, Sokka turned to Zuko and asked, “You wanna talk about something other than me now?”

He looked taken by surprised by the offer, he coughed and said, “Oh, yeah, of course. Uh, what did you want to talk about?”

“Let’s talk about the weather or the something. Something that doesn’t matter. Something that doesn’t involve stress.” Sokka crossed his arms and closed his eyes.

Giving a small smile, Zuko said, “Alright. I like being in this part of the sea. There’s always a good, warm breeze coming off of the water.” He pointed to a far off island. “That island over there has the perfect beaches for swimming. Always warm water. Just the right amount of fish at the end of the day for dinner.” He put his hands on his hips. “Honestly, I haven’t been there at all since I became the Fire Lord. Never any time. Always running to the Earth Kingdom to settle some colony business—there’s always something annoying happening in the colonies.”

“We were supposed to be talking about things that didn’t involve stress,” Sokka said, smirking up at the young man.

Zuko rubbed the back of his neck. “Sorry, I have a hard time not thinking about this kind of stuff.”

Sokka looked out at the island shrinking into the distance. “You must know a lot of little islands because of your time in exile.”

“Yeah,” Zuko said, but he didn’t stop looking at Sokka. He could see that he was still looking at him in his peripheral vision. He shook his head. “Yeah, I do. Unfortunately, I didn’t take the time to marvel at their beauty or appreciate their wonders back then. I still have a hard time relaxing, but it was much worse when I was in exile. I was constantly focused on finding the Avatar and finally making my father proud of me—a worthless cause.”

Turning around, Sokka leaned against the railing and said, “In the end, you ended up with us on Team Avatar. It’s where you were always meant to end up. I think Iroh always knew it. He saw something inside you and knew who you really were.”

He nodded. “I wish I could have seen it sooner and realized how far gone the Fire Nation was—a lot of things could have been avoided if I had.”

Sokka frowned. “Are you still worrying about that? It’s been years. What matters is where you ended up in the long run, not the route that it took to get you there.” He walked over and gave Zuko’s arm a light punch. “You’re one of us.”

Zuko looked down at him for a moment and then gave a smile. “Thanks.”

He snapped his fingers and pointed up at him. “No problem.” He laughed, taking Sokka by surprise. “What?”

Shaking his head, he held up a hand and said, “Sorry, sorry. You’re still you, which is a bit weird—you have to admit. It’s just strange seeing a girl being so…Sokka.”

“I’m still learning to be me again,” Sokka said. “But yeah, I suppose I can see how that would be a bit weird. When I look at my reflection, I can hardly recognize myself. I just see a girl looking back at me.”

Zuko put his hand on Sokka’s shoulder. “You’re still you, though. That’s what matters, right?”

Sokka turned to him and suddenly became aware of the man’s hand on his shoulder. His cheeks grew hot and he nodded. “Oh, yeah, of course.”

“Something wrong?” Zuko asked.

He waved his hands in front of him. “No, no. I’m fine. Totally fine.” Now he coughed. “So, uh, how much longer until the North Pole?”

He shook his head and said, “A while yet, I’m afraid. We’re probably nearing the halfway mark soon.”

Sokka turned and took a few steps away and said, “Maybe I kinda feel like I know what Yue might say.”

Zuko turned to look at him. “What’s that?”

“Yue is no longer a mortal. She’s a spirit. She has this connection to me. Maybe she sensed what was inside me.” He didn’t turn around to look at Zuko. “Maybe she did do this on purpose. Maybe she granted my deepest, darkest wish.”

Blowing out a sigh, Zuko said, “If spirits were so easy to figure out, we wouldn’t need to talk to them. But, they are really complicated and strange to us. That’s why we need the Avatar.”

Sokka looked at the deck for a moment and then turned around. “You think we should have brought Aang and Katara with us?”

“Aang would have undoubtedly helped with Yue and getting you access to where you needed to go, but all of the stress you were experiencing at home would have also followed you. I think you needed this time away to gather your thoughts.” He crossed his arms and looked toward the north. “Besides, Aang’s going to be waiting.”

Sokka’s brows descended. “What?”

Zuko gestured out to the sea and said, “Think about it. You’re the Avatar. One of your closest friends is about to go confront a very powerful spirit. Would you just sit around and do nothing?”

“Well, when you say it like that...” Sokka said, avoiding Zuko’s eye contact.

“Relax,” Zuko said, smiling at him. “You have a while yet to figure out what you’re going to say to Katara.”

Suddenly, all of Sokka’s confidence that he had made the right decision had come crashing down. Maybe he had acted recklessly and allowed his anger and stress to get the better of him. He should have asked Aang and Katara to come. They had always done so much together. It seemed that his selfish behavior was still causing trouble for everyone around him. Everyone was trying to explain it to him back home, but he wasn’t listening. He wanted to fix this himself, but now he doubted if he even wanted his body to be fixed. Maybe if Katara had been here, he would have figured this out sooner.

Sokka frowned. All these maybes were giving him a headache.


End file.
